8 Reaons to Dump Him Immediately
Many women today have a scarcity mentality when it comes to men. That means they don’t think there are many available, quality men in the world with whom they can connect.
A scarcity mentality sounds like this: “There are no good men out there, and if there are, they’re gay or married.” This belief, if left to fester and grow unchallenged, will lead to many self-destructive actions, not the least of which is the tendencey to hang on to, and/or put up with, otherwise unacceptable behavior by the man in your life.
Imagine, however, if you believed that the world was filled with amazing, available, compassionate, sexy, evolved men. Would you then put up with any bullshit? Of course not. So the first thing a single woman has to address, if she wants to experience an amazing intimate love life, is her scarcity mentality.
Getting at the core of the scarcity mentality, and letting it go, is beyond the focus of this post, however. So for now, let’s assume you didn’t hold that belief at the center of your being. Let’s assume you thought that the guy you’re with isn’t the last half-way decent man left on planet Earth. If you acted “as-if” that was true, then you would immediately dump any man the minute he did any of the following seven things.
Now, the seven things I’m about to describe are the “little” things that women should view as “big” things. But if you are in the trance of the scarcity mentality, they won’t bother you. But they should! The “little” things to which I am going to refer are not obvious things like he’s cheating on you, unwilling to get a job or move out of his mother’s house. Those are obvious biggies (or at least I hope you think they’re biggies). But here are seven “little” things that are big red flags. Dump him if:
1. He drunk dials you. If your guy, or a guy who you think might have potential, calls you when he’s hammered, this is a sign that he’s a moron and incapable of having an adult, mature relationship. The “frat-boy” persona is okay if you’re in college, but if you’re older than 22, you want no part of a guy who thinks “Animal House” is a way of life.
2. He breaks his agreements with you. Simply put, a man is only as good as his word. Intimacy is built on trust. And if a guy makes promises, and frequently (that’s a key word) breaks them (even if they’re “little” promises like saying he’ll pick you up at 7:00 and shows up at 8:00), he’s revealing that he isn’t worthworthy. If you can’t trust that your guy will do what he says when he said he would do it, then there is no basis for any sort of a relationship. There must be a basic level of reliability and consistency to him and his word.
3. He talks about his ex all the time. If a guy is constantly talking about his ex, he’s either still in love with her or he hates her. Either way, he’s not complete with her. And until a guy is complete, finished and indifferent toward his ex, there is no room in his heart for you. Run from a guy who’s still caught up in his past.
4. He tells “white” lies frequently. Telling the truth is an absolute must in a relationship. We all know that. But too often we downplay the little “white” ones thinking they’re no big deal. (The skipper of the Titanic thought the little iceberg was no big deal either and you know how that turned out.) Deception is a dangerous sign no matter what size it comes in. If you catch your guy in a lie, especially if it’s early in the relationship, run for the hills. It’s not too much to expect the absolute truth from your man.
5. He frequents porn sites and/or strip clubs. Putting morality aside, if a guy goes to a bachelor party at a strip club or if he watches some porn on the hotel TV when he’s on the road traveling for work, those kinds of things aren’t that big of a concern for a relationship in my experience. (If it is to you, fine) Beware, however, of a guy who’s hung up on porn and strip clubs. If it’s a part of his life, that’s a sign he’s disconnected from himself and using sex to avoid his feelings. That’s a bad sign for your relationship. Don’t put up with it.
6. He’s on an internet dating site. If you find out that the guy you’re dating or married to is on an internet dating site, dump him. Don’t look back, don’t give him second chance; dump him.
7. He’s controlling, especially early in the relationship. A client of mine recently told me this story: She met this guy at the beach. They exchanged emails and had their first date two weeks later. On that initial date, she casually told him that she had a business dinner with a guy at work the following Monday. He said he was NOT comfortable with that at all. He said when he’s with a woman, he’s exclusive and expects her to be as well. (I’m not making this up.) She also mentioned that she had her gynocologist appointment that week (yes, I wondered why she was telling him that kind of stuff for on a first date too!) and he said he wasn’t comfortable with that either. She wondered if that was appropriate. You can guess what I told her.
8. He’s addicted to anything (with the possible of exception of cigarettes). You can not relate in a healthy way to an addict. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn, pot, pills, etc., you must walk away from a guy who’s hooked on anything. You’re headed for heartache if you fudge on this.
Finally, let’s wrap up with a tough question. Take a look at the eight things listed. Should your guy dump you?? Meaning, are you doing any of those things in your life? Don’t fall into the trap of thinking a great relationship depends on finding a great guy. Make sure you’re a great girl. If you do any of the things listed above you’ll never have a great relationship no matter how wonderful of a guy you attract.
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