“Thanks for helping us!” These were the words of a stranger I past twice today on my morning run.
She was out walking her dog, and we were coming toward each other. When I was about 30 yards away, she led her dog off the sidewalk and told it to “sit” until I past. But as I ran by, the dog barked and tried to chase me, forcing her to physically restrain the dog. (Thank God for leash laws!)
We kept going in opposite directions, me on my run, her walking her dog. But about 10 minutes later, we both had turned around and now we were coming toward each other again, meeting exactly in the same place.
Again she pulled her dog off the sidewalk and said, “sit.” And this time the dog did much better, so much so that I as I ran by I commented, “Hey, your dog did much better this time!”
With a big smile on her face, she said, “Thanks for helping us!”
As I continued on my run, I thought, “Wow, what a perspective she had!” She could have seen me as an obstacle or an impediment to what she wanted, which was a nice, peaceful morning walk with her dog.
She could have thought, “Oh, crap, here comes some guy and I’m going to have to stop and pull my dog off the sidewalk. How annoying! Why isn’t this jackass running in street!” (That’s probably how I would have reacted.)
But she saw me as an ally, someone who briefly came into her life to help her train her dog. I was a blessing, not a curse, an ally, not an enemy.
Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s an amazing metaphor for life—and it’s the key to overcoming a betrayal, a break up or a broken heart.
Ally or Enemy?
We’re just like the woman walking her dog. Everyday we’re just living life, doing our thing, and someone comes down the “sidewalk of our life,” meaning, we have an encounter with someone, perhaps for a few weeks, perhaps for years.
It might be someone we date briefly, or maybe it’s a partner or even a spouse.
No matter who they are or how long we were with them or what happened between the two of us, there are only two ways to view that person: as an ally or an enemy.
We either see the person who’s betrayed us or broken our hearts as an ally, aiding in our “training” and teaching us, helping us grow, or we see them as an enemy, someone who’s had a negative impact on our life.
Think of that person right now.
How do you feel about them? Are you saying, “You broke my heart and I wish I had never met you!” or are you saying, as the woman walking her dog did, “Thanks for helping me!”
Now, I realize that someone cheating on you, for example, is quite different than someone interrupting your morning walk. But the choice of how we view either situation is exactly the same.
We either see them (or any relationship or circumstance) as an ally, aiding in our training as conscious beings, or as an enemy, someone who’s negatively impacted our life.
“To You” or “For You”?
The conscious perspective being presented here is that life is not happening “to you,” it’s happening “for you.” And the “for you” perspective means that no matter what has happened in our love lives, no matter how much pain we’ve experienced, that person was (or is) in our life to teach us something only they could teach us.
This is a challenging perspective, but it really is your choice (and mine!) as to how you view the betrayal, the break up and your broken heart. You can say, “Thanks for helping me!” or you can say, “You are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
If you choose to see them as your ally, you will experience gratitude and growth. Your heart will be soft, supple and open to whatever or whoever comes down the “sidewalk of life” next.
But if you choose to see them as an enemy, your heart will be closed, calloused and fearful of the next person who comes your way. This choice ruins your love life.
So the choice is yours. But make no mistake about it, life IS training you. Life IS “for you.” Life IS devoted to your evolution and growth. Can you look at that person who broke your heart and say, Thanks for helping me!?
If you’re having trouble letting go and moving on because of a betrayal, a break up or a broken heart, please reach out to me. I’d love to hear about your situation and help you shift your perspective so that you can open your heart to who Life has for you next.
Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach, a TV personality in Orlando, Florida, and the author of two books, the latest of which is the #1 best-seller, Attracting Lasting Love: Breaking Free of the 7 Barriers that Keep You Single. For the past 10 years, Roy’s mission has been supporting single people in the art of attracting and creating conscious, lasting relationships. He offers a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to anyone interested in working with him. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org .