All About Coaching with Roy

I am the world’s biggest fan of coaching because it has transformed my life. I have excelled as a husband, father, writer, professional athlete, evolutionary coach and spiritual being because I have sought the support of a number of incredible coaches throughout my life. I sincerely believe that partnering with an exceptional coach is an essential step in creating an exceptional life. I would be honored to support you in discovering and displaying your most authentic Self in your personal and/or professional life.

Those who are interested in working with me usually have a number of questions. While it is always best to talk to me directly, in order to help you get the information you need, I have listed the topics discussed on this lengthy page in bullet-point form. Feel free to scroll down to the topics that interest you.

• Who I Work With (and don’t)
• Problems I Have Successfully Addressed
• Areas of Genius and Service
• Coaching Structure
• What I Ask of My Clients
• A Snapshot of a Typical Session
• My Coaching Tool Kit
• The Path to Relationship Bliss (for single, married and divorced people)

WHO I WORK WITH (and don’t)

I work with individuals and/or couples, of any gender or sexual orientation, who are curious, willing to change, keep their agreements, interested in their spiritual path, playful, functional in life and able to pay my fee. My clients range from stay-at-home moms to CEO’s and although they come from all walks of life, my focus is on their relationships—the one they have with themselves, others (e.g. intimate partners, work colleagues, employees, family, friends, etc.) and Spirit/God. I respect all faiths and I have no interest changing anyone’s religious (or political) views.

I choose not to work with those who refuse to let go of their victim mentality and are unwilling to take responsibility for the life they are creating. I also don’t work with active chemical addiction, children, or those who have someone else paying my fee on their behalf.  I am interested in working with clients who are both seeking to discover who they truly are and willing to radically reinvent themselves according to what they find.

PROBLEMS I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY ADDRESSED

Here are a few of the problems I’ve successfully worked with, in no particular order:

In the professional realm: Finding a life’s purpose; Transitioning through job loss; Time and energy management;  Organizational conflict resolution; Creating high performancing work environments; Athletic and professional performance; Balancing professional and personal life demands.  In the personal realm: The law of attraction and finding a mate, as well as all kinds of intimate partnership issues including communication, sex, conflict resolution and work/life boundaries; Successfully navigating Internet dating; Growing through divorce or a break up; Building a workable relationship with an ex when children are involved, Non-chemical addictions; Stress, anxiety, grief and depression; Emotional eating and body image struggles; Insomnia; Coping with cancer and illness.

AREAS OF GENIUS AND SERVICE

Here a couple of things I am especially good at, as well as a few ways I can be of service to you on a personal and/or professional level:

     Genius 

• I am exceptional at helping my clients learn how to communicate effectively when a difficult subject must be discussed or when a tough conversion needs to take place.
• I am exceptional at recognizing unconscious cause and effect dynamics and self-sabotaging patterns.
• I am exceptional at identifying the practical and sequential steps necessary to resolve a problem or conflict and/or how to get from where you are to where you want to be.

     Services

• Individual and Couple’s Coaching
• Speaking, Off-sites and Workshops
• Conflict Resolution
• Executive Coaching and Team Building
• Writing for Newspapers and Blogs
• Guest Appearances on Television and Radio Shows

COACHING STRUCTURE

In my experience, the coaching structure outlined below works best in creating a space where deep learning and life transformation can easily and quickly occur. (The structure for a corporate client is slightly different and is not discussed here.)

• The Client commits to a package of four one-hour sessions. Life change takes time.
• The Client has two months in which to use their four sessions. Too much time between sessions weakens momentum and hinders growth.
• Coaching sessions are conducted by phone or in my office. I have clients from all over the country and coaching by phone works very well.  In rare situations, I will go to a client’s home or office. In those cases, I require absolute, uninterrupted privacy.
• Normally, the client tells me what they want to work on in a particular session, and so in that sense, they set the agenda. However, quite frequently I notice something that I feel the client should pay attention to, something they haven’t seen or thought of, and if that’s the case, I will take the client in that direction.
• Clients can call me daily for “in the moment” support. These calls usually last about 15 minutes and are in addition to the client’s regular sessions. They do not need to be scheduled, nor are they restricted to business hours.
• If sessions are conducted by phone, the client calls me at the appointed time.
• The Client pays for their package of sessions in advance and there is no refund once the first session has begun.
• Other than in the case of an emergency or a special circumstance, if a client cancels or reschedules a session on the day it is to occur, that session is considered used.
• My pricing structure is not posted on-line.  I have a standard fee for individuals and another for couples and I don’t take insurance.  Also, for certain situations, my fee is flexible. We can discuss this during your complimentary 30 minute exploratory phone call.

WHAT I ASK OF MY CLIENTS

When I coach people, I want to support them to create the life that they want. This can only happen if I am creating the life that I want. And I want to enjoy my work and my clients as much as they enjoy working with me. When my clients make the following commitments, coaching them is not only extremely successful, but an absolute joy.  My clients are willing to…

• let go of certainty and embrace curiosity
• take risks in support of their full aliveness
• end drama by refusing to blame, criticize or name-call anyone, including themselves.
• reveal rather than conceal
• let go of the victim mentality (believing they are “at the effect of”) and instead take full responsibility for the life they are creating
• have fun
• keep their agreements and commitments impeccably
• joyfully tell others about our work together

A SNAPSHOT OF A TYPICAL SESSION

While each coaching session is unique, they always occur in an atmosphere of playfulness, curiosity and candor.  That said, I have found that the following elements usually occur in a typical session:

• Check-in.  The client and I reveal what is occurring for us in the moment.
• Agenda.  In most cases, the client brings up the issues that are to be addressed.  However, there are times that I ask the client to focus their attention on an issue that I think is valuable to discuss.
• Questions.  While I want to understand the client’s feelings and circumstances, I primarily ask questions to invite the client into a space of self-awareness, which is where realization and transformation occur.
• Body-centered.  While most sessions are discussion oriented, many times they become experiential. I may ask the client to close their eyes for a time and breathe, express their emotions through sound or movement or even discuss a topic while standing on the Drama Triangle (victim, villain, hero).
• Challenge.  Occasionally, especially if a person or a couple is in crisis, I will not offer a suggestion or advice, but I will directly tell the client what they need to do in order to handle a difficult or dangerous situation.
• Tools.  In nearly all sessions, I give my clients the tools they need to live and love consciously.  My coaching style is extremely practical and “how-to” in nature.
• Commitment and Homework.  Near the end of a session, the client commits to a self-determined course of action; one they feel will bring about positive change in their life.  I expect my clients to keep their commitments.
• Scheduling.  The next session is scheduled.

MY COACHING TOOL KIT

The primary tool I use to guide my clients toward enlightened living, loving and leading is my own direct experience and journey. However, I often use, and am highly trained in, the following powerful and proven techniques and tools:

• The Enneagram Personality Type System
• Hale Dwoskin’s, The Sedona Method
• Byron Katie’s, The Work
• Ken Wilber: Integral Spirituality and Transpersonal Psychology
• David Deida: Techniques and Practices for Masc./Fem. Sexual Expression
• Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks: Body/Mind and Relationship Vibrance Techniques
• Jim Loehr: Energy Management
• David Allen: Personal/Professional Organization
• The Drama Triangle (Victim, Villain, Hero)
• Vipassana Meditation
• Breathwork
• Buddhism
• Christianity

THE PATH TO RELATIONSHIP BLISS

When clients seek relationship coaching, they are almost always experiencing one of the following three scenarios. First, they are single and they want to find the love of their life. Second, they are in a committed relationship and they want to make it better. Third, an intimate relationship has recently ended and they want to recover and rebuild their lives.

I have developed a very successful approach to supporting people in each of those scenarios. After identifying your current relationship scenario, read the outline of how I approach that situation. If it makes sense to you, then I am the coach you want at your side.

However, I am not a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all coach. What I describe below is merely a general outline of how conscious loving is experienced and we are certainly not locked into it. I simply offer my perspective so that you can get a better feel for me. As we work together, we will allow the needs of the moment and the divine energy within us, to direct our session in the most appropriate direction.

Conscious Singles: The Path to Love

I take my single clients through a three-stage process that enables them to attract the love of their lives. Here is a very brief overview.

Stage 1: Un-Kink Your Hose

Our relationships will never be more evolved or healthy than we are. So in order to experience authentic intimacy, we have to be authentic people. In this stage, I help my clients “un-kink their hose”, if you will, because, well, we’re all a bit twisted (smile). This stage has three steps of its own. 

First, we address the “you complete me” mindset that exists in almost all of us (I’ve written a book on this subject). This step allows the client to release their addicted self. Second, we identify the relationship patterns and scripts that have blocked our ability to love authentically. This step allows the client to discover the awakened self. Third, we focus on the client’s fictitious self, comprised of persona and shadow “selves,” and let them go. This step allows the client to display their authentic self.

Stage 2: Cook with the Right Ingredients

When my single clients eventually meet “Mr. or Ms. Right,” I want them to be fully prepared to “cook up” a delicious love life. So I share ten “ingredients” that a person must have in their “pantry” if they want their love life to “taste” just right. These ingredients are better thought of as commitments, for they govern how a person will behave in intimacy.

Stage 3: Manifest Your Partner

Having completed the first two stages, it is now possible for my clients to experience a healthy relationship. They have broken their old patterns and learned new ways of relating. Now they’re ready to go looking for love.  I take my clients through an extremely elaborate and extensive six question process: (1) Who do you want? (2) What energy will you emanate? (3) Where will you find them? (4) How will you act when you meet them? (5) When will you sleep with them? (6) Why do you want to commit to them?

Conscious Couples: The Path to Bliss

I take couples through a similar three-stage process that enables them to create (or recreate) a co-committed, conscious relationship. Here is a very brief overview.

Stage 1: Un-Kink Your Hose

I do the same thing with couples as I do singles. The reason a couple’s love life isn’t working as well as it could is because the two people involved are loving from their addicted self, not their awakened, authentic Self. So after our first session together, I usually, but not always, ask the couple to meet with me separately, especially if they’re in a lot of drama. I want to help them become healthy individuals first, and then we can work on how they interact with one another.

Stage 2: Cook with the Right Ingredients

Again, it’s the same as it was with singles. In my experience, I have never seen a relationship work that didn’t “cook” with the ten “ingredients” I teach my clients. So in this stage, the couple throws out their old, spoiled ingredients and replaces them with new healthy ingredients.  I continue to work with the couple separately for most of this stage.

Stage 3: Intimate Communion

After working on themselves and mastering new ways of relating, I bring the couple back together and begin the process of building a co-committed, conscious communion. In this stage, I teach them a number of things, including: the three states of intimacy, the Drama Triangle, masculine and feminine polarity, communication laws, conscious listening, mastering sexual intimacy and roles/responsibilities for a high-functioning partnership.

Of course, as stated earlier, I don’t force these issues on my clients as if it’s curriculum they have to learn. We deal with “what is” in the moment. But in my experience, the issues listed, among others, are where many couples frequently get caught up.

Conscious Break-Ups: The Path of Recovery and Re-Creation

I went through both a divorce and a break-up with a fiancée and I can honestly say that because of the way I handled those painful experiences, they turned out to be the most valuable events in my life. My pain became my portal to profound spiritual growth, and ultimately, to the creation of authentic intimacy. So whether my client has been through a divorce, the death of a partner or a break-up, they too can have a similar experience. Here is a brief description of the three-stage process I take my “single-again” clients through.

Stage 1: Completion

The importance of completion can hardly be overstated. We simply cannot move forward and rebuild our lives if our energy and attention is stuck in the past. So the first step in recovering from a death, divorce or a break-up is to accept the past and make peace with it. And that may require, among other things, grieving, forgiving, and toughest of all, forging a workable relationship with our ex, if there are children involved.

Stage 2: Construction

Having dealt with our emotional baggage and cleaned up our loose ends, we can now begin the second phase of the recovery process which is to face ourselves and learn from what’s occurred. Here we ensure that we don’t experience Ground Hog’s Day, repeating the same relationship with our next partner. I ask my clients to become intensely curious about their part in the demise of their former relationships. What do they need to face about themselves? What changes do they need to make? What patterns and limiting beliefs have been unconsciously operating in their love life? This stage is about personal evolution; it’s about taking a good, hard look at yourself and recognizing that the solution to your relationship problems is not finding a new partner, but being a new person.

Stage 3: Creation

After having been through the stages of Completion and Construction, my “single-again” client is now ready for a relationship, if that is what they desire. And this final stage is exactly like stages 2 and 3 discussed in the Conscious Single section. They learn to “cook” with the ingredients that make for a delicious love life, meaning, they commit themselves to the behaviors that produce relationship bliss, and then manifest their new partner with the same six questions: who, what, where, how, when, and what.

Roy has one son and lives in Orlando, Florida with his wife. He is available for coaching in person or by telephone. For a complimentary 30-minute coaching session, call 407-687-3387.