Relationship Bliss Ingredient #5

Supporting Each Other’s Mutual Creativity

 

 

Roy Biancalana

Life Coach/ Relationship Coach

www.coachingwithroy.com

407-687-3387

 

 

Ingredient #5: Support Mutual Creativity

Ever been to a restaurant and ordered a meal based on the picture on the menu? (This may tell you the kind of restaurants I frequent!) Have you noticed that when the meal arrives at your table it doesn’t look anything like the picture?

 

Well, I’m afraid you’re going to experience that when you consider this fifth essential ingredient for creating a delicious love life.  For at first, this one is going to look really, really yummy, but once you get a closer look at it, you might realize it’s not all that it was cracked up to be. Let me tell you what I mean.

 

Imagine having a partner who is not jealous, scared or threatened by your expansion, aliveness and creativity, but actually willing to do what ever they can, short of abandoning their own creative path, to support yours! Doesn’t that “smell” wonderful?  Don’t you want to sink your teeth into a partner that is completely devoted to your full creative expression, to you being all that you were intended to be! Who wouldn’t want to “order” that off the menu?!

 

But here’s the catch. (There’s always a catch, isn’t there?) You, too, have to be that partner! You have to devote yourself to your partner’s full creative expression as well. This can not be a one-sided affair.  This ingredient, or this fundamental of relationship bliss, means that both partners must mutually agree to support each other’s full creative expression. Does this “dish” still look as delicious to you?—now that you know it must be mutual? Yes? If so, then consider this:

 

In many relationships, it is not unusual to have one person over-functioning while the other person is under-functioning. The relationship is balanced, but in an unbalanced way.

 

Now, for both people to support each other’s full creative expression it will mean something has to give.  The under-functioning partner is going to have to step up and take a more active role in the life of the relationship, so that the over-functioning partner can be freed up to pursue their fullest creative expression, if that is what they desire to do.  This does not mean they simply flip-flop, however. It just means that the partner who has been skating and being taken care of by the over functioning partner is going to be required to be a full participating partner in the relationship. And sometimes, they don’t like that. Many under-functioning partners know that if they were to support their partner’s full and complete creative expression in the world, they may have to spend more money, invest more time in the kids, do more chores around the house and generally have a little less “me” time.  This dynamic is very common.  Here’s a couple of examples:

 

  • A woman, while loving her role as a homemaker and wife, has always wanted to be a chef.  But her husband doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Though he may come up with a “good” reason, the real reason is that if she did that, he’d have to step up and do much more around the house and with the kids, spending less time on the golf course.

 

  • A man making a six figure income wants to leave his career and go off on his own and start his own business.  His spouse has enjoyed the fruits of his career, spending her time at the spa, having lunch with friends and playing tennis at the club. But if he does this, she’ll have to go back to work or severely cut back on her lifestyle. She tells him, “With the economy like it is, I don’t think it’s a good time to take a risk.”

 

So as much as supporting each other’s mutual creativity sounds good, don’t be naïve. Often, when one person decides to follow a dream, the other person is called to power, being asked to end the free-loading joy ride life has been and step fully into the relationship. What I’m describing is a co-committed, co-creative relationship, one that is equal, balance, mutual and ultimately blissful.

 

One last caveat. Certainly a couple can agree to an era (or even a lifetime) of imbalance. My dad started his company while he worked full-time at another job. He disappeared from the family for about three years and my mom stopped working to be home, compensating for his absence. But she did it willingly and gladly. It was her choice. What my dad was doing was their mission, not only his.

 

So imbalance is not necessarily wrong. If one person wants to let go of their dreams and desires to support their partner’s, and if they do it consciously and without regret, then it can be a beautiful thing. I’m not arguing that two people should always be chasing their own individual dreams. But I am saying that relationship bliss is when both people commit to support each other fully, and then, from that space, they can decide on how their relationship should look at any given time.

 

As I close, commit to being a person who supports, encourages, and even demands that your partner live the life that makes them feel most alive! This is what it means to love another person: You want them to have what they want for themselves.

Roy Biancalana

Roy Biancalana is an author, a certified relationship coach, a certified “Living Inquiry” facilitator and a spiritual teacher. He has been supporting the personal growth and life-transformation of thousands of people for nearly 25 years. His passion is working with men and women who are committed to awakening to their true spiritual nature and experiencing the love life they most desire. With a warm, personal and informal style, Roy specializes in supporting single people in attracting the love of their lives and also helping those who are in committed partnerships experience a deeper level of intimacy. READ MORE

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