Home Articles How the Scarcity Mindset is Keeping You Single (and what to do about it)

How the Scarcity Mindset is Keeping You Single (and what to do about it)

If heart disease is the #1 killer of humans, then the scarcity mindset is the #1 killer of single people. No other belief can cause as much damage as the scarcity mentality can.

A scarcity mentality will squeeze the life out you and it will keep you single—and I rarely meet a single person that’s not infected with it. It’s just so easy to believe “all the good ones are taken or gay.”

How we see the world is a foundational issue. As I wrote in my #1 best-selling book, Attracting Lasting Love,

“The first and most important issue to address as we embark upon the journey to consciously attract lasting love is to ask ourselves how we view the world. Do we believe there’s enough, or do we believe in scarcity? Is it “raining men” (or women), or is there a shortage of quality, available partners in the world? Which is it? Feast or famine, scarcity or abundance?”

Dangerous “S” Words 

Having a scarcity mindset will sour your mood and make you unattractive to be around. It will make you settle for less than you deserve. It will make you stay in relationship you should leave. It will make you seek connection with the first warm body that comes your way, and it will make you spend enormous amounts of energy obsessing about how and where you’re going to find a partner. Simply stated, that’s a scary scarcity scenario.

I want to share a true story about how the scarcity mindset almost got the best of me. Except this story is not about me attracting an intimate partner, it’s about me attracting a business partner—but the principle is the same, as you’ll see. So grant me a little poetic license and you’ll see how this applies to your love life.

A Scarcity Story

As a relationship coach who works exclusively with single people, I wanted to connect with the CEO of Match.com. In my business, you could say he would be an “ideal partner.” (That’s an understatement.)

I told a few friends about my desire to meet Match’s CEO and I manifested! I was eventually “fixed up” with a guy who personally knew him. Awesome!

We connected by email and then talked on the phone, and believe it or not, he did have THE quality I wanted in a “partner”—he personally knew the CEO of Match.com. Total chemistry and compatibility. Love at first site.

Our first “date” was going to be a business proposal that he would present on Tuesday of the next week. (He was a business coach that had great connections, and I was ready to commit!) I couldn’t wait for Tuesday. I told a bunch of my friends about it, I was so excited.

waiting cheated on desperate taken advantage ofWhen Tuesday came, I sat by my computer all day, waiting for it to “ring.” Nothing. I got stood up.

Wednesday afternoon he sent a message saying things were hectic. He wanted to reschedule our “date” for Friday. I was disappointed, but I didn’t say anything. I decided to swallow my feelings and give the guy another chance. I’d wait for Friday to have that “first date.”

Friday came and went and no proposal showed up. I got stood up again. No call, no email, no nothing—not on Saturday, Sunday, Monday or even Tuesday.

If the Scarcity Mentality was in charge, I would have tolerated his broken agreements because, he knows the CEO of Match! Those kinds of “partners” don’t grow on trees. It’s so hard to find “Mr. (Ms.) Right!” (Do you see where I’m going with this?)

But the Scarcity Mindset was not in charge. I refused to believe that he was the only “fish in the ocean.” He was not the only connection that could help me grow my business. I could trust that my life and my coaching practice were unfolding perfectly, that I could refuse to “relate” with someone who lacked integrity, and that I wouldn’t “die alone!” So, I emailed him this:

David, I notice I’m spending time and energy wondering why you’ve broken two agreements with me. It’s distracting to me. I’d like to take responsibility for my energy and put an end to our relationship. I’m not interested in dealing with someone who does not make and keep his agreements. ~Roy

Overcoming Scarcity

Can you see yourself in this story? Can you see how the Scarcity Mentality has gotten the best of you? Are you willing to let that go and open to the belief that there is an abundance of good partners out there? Are you willing to wait for such a person and not settle for “decent”? Are you willing to trust that your life—and love life—are unfolding just as they’re supposed to?

And TRUST really is the issue, isn’t it? As A.H. Almaas writes,Basic Trust is the bedrock of spiritual development. It gives the sense that our lives are evolving naturally, moving and progressing in ways and directions that we may not yet know or understand, but that we feel confident will be okay.”

Don’t let scarcity sap the joy out of your soul. Shift into the awareness that there is enough for you.

Please reach out to me if you’d like to discuss this or any other topic impacting your love life. I offer a free 30-minute coaching session to anyone interested in how I might be able to help them attract lasting love. Email me at roy@coachingwithroy.com or call me directly at 407-687-3387.

Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach, a TV personality, and the author of two books, the latest of which is the #1 best-seller, Attracting Lasting Love: Breaking Free of the 7 Barriers that Keep You Single. For the past 10 years, Roy’s mission has been supporting single people in the art of attracting and creating conscious, lasting relationships. He offers a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to anyone interested in working with him. You can learn more about him by visiting, www.coachingwithroy.com.

Roy Biancalana Roy Biancalana (83 Posts)

Roy Biancalana is an author, a certified relationship coach, a certified “Living Inquiry” facilitator and a spiritual teacher. He has been supporting the personal growth and life-transformation of thousands of people for nearly 25 years. His passion is working with men and women who are committed to awakening to their true spiritual nature and experiencing the love life they most desire. With a warm, personal and informal style, Roy specializes in supporting single people in attracting the love of their lives and also helping those who are in committed partnerships experience a deeper level of intimacy. READ MORE


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