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Signs Your Guy Is Married

It’s deeply frustrating and discouraging to meet what seems to be a good guy, begin dating him, even sleep with him, only to find out he’s married. It happens far too often.

As a relationship coach, hardly a week goes by when a client doesn’t share a story like that with me. This dating advice, self help article will show you how to keep this from happening to you.

Drunk guy hits on beautiful woman why do i attract creepy guys

Married men give off signs. If you know what they are, you will save yourself a lot of heartache.

A warning though: I’m not suggesting you meet every man with suspicion, for carrying such fear will darken your radiance and chase away Superior men. Having an open, trusting heart is critical in attracting a healthy relationship. Yet, that doesn’t mean you should keep your head in the sand either.

When I say married men give off signs that they’re married, I know what I’m talking about, for I was one of them. It’s not something I’m proud of, but more than a decade ago, I led a double life for a short period of time.

I was in a plutonic, disappointing marriage, and rather than confront that and get divorced, I had an affair. Neither woman knew I was married. It was a cowardly time of my life, yet when the truth came out, I was forced to face some pretty dark things about myself, all of which are shared in my self help memoir:

A Drink with Legs: From Hooked to Happy—A Spiritual Path to Relationship Bliss.

Every single one of the signs I’m going to share in this article where exhibited in my life.  So, again, I’m not sharing theory, anecdotes or research. This is as practical and real as it gets.

Now, before we get to the signs, I’m going to take this discussion in a very unexpected direction. It may anger you too, but it’s essential that we talk about you before we talk about the men. I invite you muster up as much curiosity as possible because this may be hard to swallow.

If you’re a single woman reading this piece, you most likely have some experience, if not a history of attracting married men. If that’s true, then ask yourself this question: What’s the payoff or the benefit in attracting such men? We are not victims. Things don’t happen “to us,” they happen “by us” or because of us.

Single women who attract married men actually want to attract married men. This takes some courageous inner work to discover, but on some level, you may want an unavailable man. It serves you in some way. How? Well, consider these 3 situations. Perhaps they’re true of you.

First, you may be at a point in your life where you really aren’t seriously interested in a long term, committed relationship—but you still want attention and affection. So a relationship that can’t really go anywhere might be exactly what you want.

Secondly, are you afraid of intimacy? It’s not just a guy thing, you know. Many women lose contact with themselves when they’re with a man. Maybe you’ve said, “Never again will I allow a relationship to derail my commitment to my kids, my career, my spiritual path.” If so, then this might be the reason you attract married men.

Third, are you afraid of being rejected? For many women, relationships have been a great source of pain, and so unconsciously, they’ve decided not to let a man get that close again. So a married, unavailable man is perfect, for the relationship can only progress so far. You’re safe.

Now, if none of those are true of you, then keep an eye out for these signs, for they indicate a man may be married.

1. He won’t let you meet his children. Wouldn’t this be awkward: “Daddy, why are you hugging and kissing her? Won’t mommy be mad?” Now, there is a time when it’s too soon to let your children meet a new partner. But if he’s keeping his kids away from you, there’s a chance he’s married.

2. He falls of the grid frequently. This may seem obvious, but if you can’t get ahold of your guy for long stretches of time (more than one day), chances are he’s with his family and he can’t return your call or text. Be on the alert for lame excuses for why he didn’t call you back for something like three days, for instance.

3. He can’t spend holidays or special events with you. Married men can’t get away from their wives or families to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, the fourth of July or even his birthday with you. Nor will you be invited to special events in his life. That’s reserved for his spouse. For example, I qualified for the 2003 U.S. Open Golf Championship, a really big deal, and I had to make up some lame excuse why my girlfriend couldn’t come. The truth was my family would be there.

Time Out

Now might be a good time to admit that the dating scene can be a jungle. There are so many issues to understand and navigate, other than whether or not a man is married. It’s for this reason I created a very powerful all-video eCourse called:

Dating in the Digital Age: Finding Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul.

This course address the major issues you’ll face from the moment of attraction all the way to the Alter. Click the link to see a 4-minute preview video explaining what the course is all about.

4. He says, “wife” instead of “ex.” If a guy was married for a long time, he may, out of habit, call his ex, “wife.” But often it’s sign he’s married. He doesn’t see her as his ex (because she’s not!) and so unconsciously he blurts out “wife” instead of “ex.” Beware of his language.

5. He has a weird relationship with his “ex.” I had a client who dated a guy for 2 years and then found out he was married the whole time. He often stopped by his ex’s, the woman he supposedly divorced 10 years earlier, to fix things around the house! Yes, it’s nice if a guy has a friendly, cooperative relationship with his ex, but if it feels like it’s over the top, it probably is. Beware of a guy who pays too much attention to his “old life.”
It may not be that old.

6. Your relationship occurs when he’s away from home. When I had my affair, I was spending my summers in Chicago, teaching and playing professional golf, and the winters at home in Orlando. It created the perfect opportunity to live a double life. So if your relationship occurs someplace other than where he lives, he might be married.

There may be other signs and if you know of some, please share them. It will help women make smarter dating choices.


Finally, my life’s work is to help single people find and create amazing, lasting relationships. If that’s what you want, and if you’re frustrated with the dating scene, then please check out the link below. It’s a 4-minute preview video of my most popular, all-video eCourse:

Attracting Lasting Love: A Conscious Approach to Finding a Life Partner

I hope this article has served you. If you want to know more about me and my coaching practice, please visit my website: and the About Roy page.


Roy Biancalana Roy Biancalana (71 Posts)

Roy Biancalana is an author, a certified relationship coach, a certified “Living Inquiry” facilitator and a spiritual teacher. He has been supporting the personal growth and life-transformation of thousands of people for nearly 25 years. His passion is working with men and women who are committed to awakening to their true spiritual nature and experiencing the love life they most desire. With a warm, personal and informal style, Roy specializes in supporting single people in attracting the love of their lives and also helping those who are in committed partnerships experience a deeper level of intimacy. READ MORE




  1. wrote on April 8th, 2012 at 10:49 pm


    Hi, well I have been seeing a guy now for about 2 years and he’s very secretive about his life, family and doesn’t answer my questions about his family. I never see him on holidays . He always comes up with some excuse not to see me those days. He calls me when he wants to , not when I need him. When I call it goes to his voice mail. He does call me everyday, but from his work. his story about everything is always changing. My pictures are nowhere in his home, but his ex wife’s pictures are everywhere. I don’t know what to do about him, or if he even lives me like he says.

  2. wrote on April 8th, 2012 at 10:51 pm


    Hi, well I have been seeing a guy now for about 2 years and he’s very secretive about his life, family and doesn’t answer my questions about his family. I never see him on holidays . He always comes up with some excuse not to see me those days. He calls me when he wants to , not when I need him. When I call it goes to his voice mail. He does call me everyday, but from his work. his story about everything is always changing. My pictures are nowhere in his home, but his ex wife’s pictures are everywhere. I don’t know what to do about him, or if he even loves me like he says. He’s just a mystery.

  3. wrote on November 29th, 2014 at 7:27 am


    I know him for twenty years, I took as a f buddy in my earlier years he is 8 years older with a lot of experience behind him.

    I wouldn’t take him serious, but he did every time I disapeared he still was looking and perusing me, now later in life, met up again six years prior the last meet up, this I was ready to give him a chance.

    He was the one to state he wanted a relationship with me and he want me to be his woman, six months down the line we still discuss things about ourselves. I decided to revisit some of the questions and I did warn him. I would ask again if I am not satisfied.

    I asked about his ex and him being in the house, yes he does live with her, he told me he took her as a virgin a church woman over the age of thirty after he got her and had two children with her even bought a house etc… He claimed that she told him that she didn’t want any sex anymore and she only had sex to have children, I don’t know if that is true my senses is telling it’s not, they seem to have a good relationships in how they talk to each other on the phone.

    I just think he is not getting enough from her, because he works nights and she works days so the only time they get is weekends, now I have come on the scene it seems to be getting a bit difficult for him, as he has to be submissive to me he has become very protective of me, I have even been told in not so many words I am his and he is not letting me go, he loves me I know that much. He hasn’t stopped Persue me.

    I wish this was inde better circumstances, honestly I feel I have a right to him for some reason probably because we have been on and off for twenty years.

    I want to tell him that, I know he lives there, I am jealous because I care, and I hope he isn’t doing anything with her. Then the same breath I can’t have him take liberties with me because of his restrictions. It’s so hard because he is treating like his woman, I have been warned not to allow him to hurt me, I don’t think he wants to do that. as I am very close to family and friends that surrounds us also. But some of the siblings I don’t know and those are the ones who will know more then I do.

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