Home Articles The Dating Game: Choosing the Conventional or Conscious Approach to Attracting Lasting Love

The Dating Game: Choosing the Conventional or Conscious Approach to Attracting Lasting Love

As a relationship coach, I find that all the approaches people use to find their life partner fall into two major categories. There are conventional approaches and there’s the conscious approach.

Playfully, I call the conventional approaches “The 6 F-Words.” They’re “bad” words, mostly because they don’t work very well. They are: relying on Fate, Fishing online, being Fixed up, Faking it by becoming what others want, reconnecting with Former lovers and trying the myriad of empty, shallow Formulas espoused by so many these days.

I tried all those conventional approaches and they seemed to attract more pain than partners. So out of frustration I tried the conscious approach, which is to focus inwardly rather than outwardly.

When I made that shift, I was amazed to discover 7 barriers within myself that kept me single, and when I broke free of them, I quickly met and married the love of my life. The same thing can happen to you.

My new book, Attracting Lasting Love: Breaking Free of the 7 Barriers that Keep You Single, describes these self-sabotaging ways and what to do about them. Over the next several months, I’m going to address each one of the 7 barriers by sharing an excerpt directly from the book. In this blog, I’m going help you better understand the conscious approach by sharing an excerpt from the Introduction in my book.

An excerpt from Attracting Lasting Love:

“What I have learned from my own personal experience and in my work with hundreds of clients is this: we sabotage ourselves from experiencing the very thing we want most. Although we desperately want to be in a loving, lasting, long-term relationship, we are somehow blocking love from entering our lives. Discovering how we’re doing this and breaking free of it is the conscious approach.

I opened this chapter with a quote from the mystic poet, Rumi, and it bears repeating:

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

This is why the conventional approaches don’t work. How can you attract lasting love if you have barriers built against that very thing? Think of it this way: The offensive linemen on a football team block the defenders from getting to the quarterback. Likewise, Rumi says you have “blockers” in your life, things that keep love from getting to you.

Let’s look closer at what he’s saying.

“Your task is not to seek love…” That phrase, alone, should make your head spin, for it’s the exact opposite of everything you hear today! He’s saying not to bother with any of the conventional approaches that tell you how to find love. In fact, you should drop the entire search. Don’t concern yourself with where to go, who you want, what to wear, how to approach and what to say. Instead, Rumi says, “seek and find all the barriers within yourself” that you have built against love.If you’re going to seek for anything, seek the barriers.

Seek and find all the ways in which you’re keeping yourself single.

However, that’s easier said than done because the barriers are hidden from your awareness, which is why Rumi says you need to look for them. But you must, because they’re destroying your ability to attract lasting love. Like the Wizard of Oz who was controlling everything from behind the curtain, so these barriers are “behind the curtain” of your awareness controlling your ability to attract and sustain a meaningful relationship.

Your task, then, is to seek, find and then break free of the barriers you’ve built against love and this book will show you how.

This is the approach that’s changed my life and hundreds of my client’s lives. If you drop the conventional approaches to finding a life partner and adopt this conscious approach, you too will attract lasting love.”

If you’d like to learn more about the 7 barriers and how they might be sabotaging your ability to attract lasting love, you can preview and/or purchase the e-book or the paperback by clicking HERE.

Roy Biancalana Roy Biancalana (79 Posts)

Roy Biancalana is an author, a certified relationship coach, a certified “Living Inquiry” facilitator and a spiritual teacher. He has been supporting the personal growth and life-transformation of thousands of people for nearly 25 years. His passion is working with men and women who are committed to awakening to their true spiritual nature and experiencing the love life they most desire. With a warm, personal and informal style, Roy specializes in supporting single people in attracting the love of their lives and also helping those who are in committed partnerships experience a deeper level of intimacy. READ MORE


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