Being Emotionally Healthy

What do you do with your uncomfortable feelings? There are three options. First, you can suppress them. Denying, stuffing and avoiding feelings is a common approach. But it results in depression, over eating, physical sickness and sometimes volcanic like explosions.

A second option is to express them. While there is a healthy component to expressing feelings, which I’ll discuss in a minute, many times we express our feelings by blaming, complaining or gossiping. This is becoming our culture’s most popular way of dealing with uncomfortable feelings. But its results are arguments and alienation.

The third option is simply to release your feelings – and it is rarely chosen. Releasing your feelings creates inner peace and deepens your connection with those around you, something all of us want. Here’s a three step process to release your feelings.

First, welcome them. Notice them, allow them, let them be, don’t resist them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Many people grew up in homes where feelings were off limits. But often, if you simply welcome your feelings they will release themselves. Treat your feelings like you would a friend at your door. Open up and let them in. They won’t overwhelm you.

Second, honor your feelings by allowing yourself to feel what you feel. Acknowledge to yourself that you feel sad, angry or scared. Other times, though, honoring your feelings may mean that you show them physically by crying, shaking in fear, or screaming in anger. (Showing anger needs to be done with wisdom and safety) Often, the act of showing your feelings in your body releases them.

Third, report your feelings to the appropriate person. Once you’ve welcomed and honored your feelings, now you’re ready to express them. I don’t have problems with potency, but if I am too tired, I can forget about the second time. I decided to try Viagra and read positive reviews on . I took 50 mg of the drug after the first sexual intercourse and then another 50 mg hour an hour later, just in case. As for the side effects, I’ve noticed stuffed nose and red eyes. I was taking drug in parallel with drinking of brandy. And healthy expression means you report your inarguable experience in the moment to the person that is directly involved. Reporting will release even the most deeply felt feelings and open the emotional space necessary to find solutions to problems.

Okay, here’s how this works in real life. Let’s say your partner said he would change the oil in your car – a week ago. It’s Saturday afternoon and he’s on the couch watching a ball game. You feel agitated and annoyed. It’s choice time. You could suppress your feelings, wind up snapping at your kids for “no reason” or develop a mild headache. Or you could express your feelings by yelling, “Damn it, you never do what you say. Last week you said you’d change the oil in my car and it’s still not done!” Then you grab your keys, storm out the door alienated from your guy.

The third option might look like this. Before speaking to your man, you’ve already welcomed the fact that you feel agitated. It’s okay with you. It’s just a feeling. And you’ve honored your anger by admitting it to yourself, saying, “I’m feeling angry that he hasn’t kept his word.” Now you’re ready to report.

So you approach him and say, “Honey, can I talk to you for a minute? Would you mute the T.V.? Thanks. I notice that you haven’t changed the oil in my car like you said you would last week. I’m feeling angry that you haven’t kept your word.” Done. While you might wonder how he’ll respond, you instantly feel lighter and free. You simply reported your inarguable truth and the uncomfortable feeling has been released.

How he responds is his business. Chances are that since you didn’t suppress or inappropriately express, he’ll apologize for his forgetfulness and get right on it. If not, you can either do it yourself or not have it done at all. The point isn’t the car, it’s your peace or lack there of.

Those are the three options on how we can handle our uncomfortable feelings. We can choose suppression, (inappropriate) expression or releasing – through welcoming, honoring and reporting. And remember, releasing need not be a long, arduous process. It can be practiced in the moment, taking as little as a few seconds. Freedom, peace and intimacy await those who choose option three.