A Conscious Response to Erectile Dysfunction

Al Pacino, in the movie Scarface, screamed famously, “Say hello to my little friend!” His “friend,” of course, was a gun and to say it fired the way it was supposed to is quite an understatement. He mowed down his enemies.

However, for many men these days, it seems their “friend” is not “firing” the way it’s supposed to. If the number of commercials selling products like Viagra and Cialis are any indication, erectile dysfunction is a problem impacting millions of men. This article describes a conscious and spiritual approach to this challenging situation.

Recently, two of my male clients have talked to me about their inability to get an erection and ejaculate during intercourse. Along with premature ejaculation, these are common issues facing men today. How should men respond?

I am not a physician and I do not speak as one here. I am a spiritual teacher and I believe for the majority of men, when their “friend” isn’t working the way they’d like it to, the root problem is a spiritual one, not a physical one. Not always, however. I want to make that clear. Sometimes a man’s body isn’t performing because of some sort of physical condition and he has no other choice but to use medication to perform sexually.

Because of that, I recommend that my clients go to a medical doctor and get a thorough check-up before we address the issue spiritually. I am not one of those spiritual teachers who believes the medical model has no value. In my opinion, that’s an unbalanced and naïve position, just as the medical field’s tendency to discount spiritual healing techniques is equally shortsighted. Both the medical and spiritual models have things of value to offer people today.

When men and their doctors can’t find any medical issue responsible for premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or the inability to achieve orgasm during sex, they immediately opt for the “little blue pill” or some other drug. This is understandable because they want to solve the problem and they don’t know any other way. But it’s really unfortunate for the man because he’s missing a golden opportunity to use his problem as a portal to great spiritual awakening. I want to show you how to address all sexual performance issues spiritually rather than pharmaceutically.

The spiritual method I’m offering here is very simple and can bring results faster than it takes to get a prescription filled. All that is required on the part of the man is the sincere curiosity to ask two simple questions and the courage to face the answers that comes.

The answers to these questions are not something you attempt to figure out by thinking, as if they were math problems. The mind is not involved. The answers come to your heart, not from your head. They arises from within as a deep sense of knowing and clarity and are accompanied by a quiet tingling sensation felt throughout the body.

Prior to asking these two questions, it’s important that you create sacred space for insight and wisdom to arrive. That means two things. First, clear your physical space of all distraction and interruption. No TV, phone, kids, pets, etc. You want absolute silence and stillness. Secondly, center your body-mind by sitting with your spine erect and your feet firmly planted on the ground. Begin to breathe slowly and deeply from your belly, inhaling through your nose to a count of four. Feel the breath move down the front of your body and into your genitals. Then exhale to a count of four, feeling the breath moving up the back of your body, along your spine and out of the mouth. Then repeat.

Each breath cycle should last at least eight seconds. Do this circular breathing for about three minutes. At the end of the three minutes, your body should feel light, almost as if it’s floating. You have now entered holy ground and you’re ready to ask your deepest Self these two transformational wonder questions. Ask them one at a time and then sit quietly and “listen.” Have something to write with near by. There will probably be a number of insights that come.

Now, the wonder questions and I want to thank one of my mentors, Dr. Gay Hendricks, for the exact wording of this first one:

What is the message that my penis is trying to get through to me, by it not working the way I want it to work?

After sitting with the question for a few minutes and recording your answers, it’s very important that you not allow the insights to be discounted by the mind or rejected out of fear.

The answers that come may seem ridiculous to the mind and you may find yourself thinking of all the reasons why they couldn’t be true or don’t make sense. It’s normal for the mind to do this; its job is to be suspicious. But the mind is of no use to you in the realm of spiritual transformation. So don’t pay attention to your thoughts.

Secondly, the implications of your insights might scare the crap out of you. That’s okay. Don’t run from the fear. Be courageous. Fear, in this case, is a sure sign that you’re onto something significant. As odd as it sounds, fear in this situation, is a sign you’re headed in the right direction.

At this point, you may be wondering what insights came to my two clients when they asked themselves this powerful wonder question or what my general insights are concerning sexual performance issues. Well, I do have such insights and my clients did receive profound and transformational “aha” insights. And I’d tell you what they were if I thought it would serve you. But it won’t. If I tell you what they learned, or what I know, it would prejudice your inquiry. You’d either try to make our insights yours, or, if they didn’t resonate with you, you might not bother engaging with the wonder question at all. Either would be tragic. So engage with the question without prejudice and after you’ve come to your own truth, if you still want to know my insights or theirs, contact me directly. But for now, do you own work.

The final step in the conscious approach to handling sexual performance issues is to ask one more question.

What conversation do I need to have, what action do I need to take or what person’s support do I need to request, as a result of the insight I have been given?

Insight without action makes you smarter, but if you don’t act, you’ll remain stuck (and limp). Jesus said, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required.” The universe has entrusted you with the gift of insight. Integrity demands that you live in alignment with what you’ve learned about yourself.

Your insight may ask you to tell your partner a truth you’ve been hiding, or, it may ask you to end a relationship or even change your career path. Your insight may ask you to seek the support of a coach or therapist so that you can more deeply understand and act on what you’ve received. I don’t know what action your insight will require—but it will require something. Do it.

Take action, even if it’s scary or costly, for if you do, you will truly be able to exclaim, “Say hello to my little friend!”

Roy Biancalana
Relationship Coach & Author

Roy Biancalana

Roy Biancalana is an author, a certified relationship coach, a certified “Living Inquiry” facilitator and a spiritual teacher. He has been supporting the personal growth and life-transformation of thousands of people for nearly 25 years. His passion is working with men and women who are committed to awakening to their true spiritual nature and experiencing the love life they most desire. With a warm, personal and informal style, Roy specializes in supporting single people in attracting the love of their lives and also helping those who are in committed partnerships experience a deeper level of intimacy. READ MORE

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