Dating Games: Which one are you playing? (and you are playing one)

Everyone plays games.

I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. In the dating world, everybody is playing a game, including you.

I don’t mean, however, that everyone is manipulative and inauthentic (though some are) what I mean is that everyone dates with a certain mindset or perspective.Drunk guy hits on beautiful woman why do i attract creepy guys

Your “game” is the way you date and relate. It’s your M.O. It’s the set of commitments or values that govern the way you function in life and relationship.

At the risk of sounding simplistic, there are only two “games” you can play. You can play The Conventional Game or you can play The Conscious Game. And make no mistake about it. In this very moment, you are playing one of them.

Understanding which “game” you’re playing is THE single most important issue you need to face if you want to attract lasting love.

The “game” you’re playing is more important than your physical appearance. It’s more important than your personality type. It’s more important than your sense of humor or the amount of money you have.

Furthermore, these two “games,” The Conventional Game and The Conscious Game, are complete opposites. They are as different as baseball is from soccer. They play on different fields with different balls and by different rules.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that the “game” you play will determine whether you experience happiness or heartache in your love life.

What “Game” Are You Playing?

I am going to compare and contrast these two “games,” putting them side-by-side to give you a basic understanding of them. However, if you want to explore these “games” on a deeper level, my contact info is at the end of this article.

Below is what I call, The Dating Manifesto: The 7 Commitments of Conscious Dating & Relating. The conscious versions are described in blue. But also listed in red are what I playfully call their “evil twins.” They are the conventional versions of the commitments.

When a person relates according to the red conventional commitments, which is the way almost all people relate, it leads to drama, stuck-ness and conflict. However, if a person chooses to align their life with the blue conscious commitments, they will “attract lasting love.”

Therefore, if you’re not “attracting lasting love,” it’s because you’re dating & relating the red, conventional way. The question is, are you willing to shift and relate the blue, conscious way?



7 Commitments for Conscious Dating & Relating



Choosing Responsibility rather than Victimhood

I commit to taking full responsibility for every aspect of my dating and relating experience, including the kind of people I attract, how I’m treated and the patterns I experience. I commit to supporting others to take responsibility for their lives.

I commit to blaming the people I date, and/or the entire dating scene, for the way I’m treated and my overall dating experience. I commit to playing the role of victim, villain or hero and taking more or less than 100% responsibility for what’s occurring in my love life.



Choosing Curiosity rather than being Right

I commit to meeting every dating and relating experience with curiosity, seeing each person and interaction as an opportunity to learn and grow in self-awareness.

I commit to being certain that my stories and perspectives are true. I commit to being right. I commit to being defensive, especially when I am sure that I’m RIGHT.



Choosing to Reveal rather than Conceal

I commit to revealing rather than concealing, meeting each dating and relating experience with openness, candor and authenticity.

I commit to playing games by misleading or deceiving the people I date and relate to, withholding my truth (including facts, feelings, and things I imagine) and speaking in a way that allows me to avoid, control or manipulate an outcome.



Choosing to see Allies rather than Enemies

I commit to seeing my all relationships (past, present & future) and all my relationship experiences as allies, perfectly suited to help me learn the most important things for my growth.

I commit to seeing the people and circumstances in my dating and relating experience as mistakes, baggage, enemies and impediments to having the relationship I want.



Choosing to believe there is Enough rather than Scarcity

I commit to believing that there is enough of everything, that there is no shortage or scarcity of men, women, love, romance, money, energy, time, etc.

I commit to a scarcity mentality, believing that finding my ideal partner is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I commit to the belief that I have to “settle,” lower my standards and accept “red flags,” while relying on pure luck or obsessive effort to find my partner.



Choosing to Source from within rather than Seek from without

I commit to being the source of my needs, including my desire for love, security, approval, control, worthiness, happiness, specialness and connectedness.

I commit to believing that those I date and relate with are responsible for meeting my emotional needs. I require them to alleviate my loneliness and make me feel safe, wanted, seen, loved, happy, or special. I commit to manipulating, controlling or punishing those who don’t take care of me in those ways.



Choosing to Investigate stories rather than Interpret “reality”

I commit to seeing that the opposite of my story is as true, or truer, than my original story. I recognize that I interpret the world around me and give my stories meaning.

I commit to believing that my stories, and the meaning I give them, are true. I commit to insisting that others agree with my stories. I commit to interpreting events as “proof” that my stories are, indeed, true.



To live the “BLUE” way is a radical and counter-cultural way to date and relate. But in my opinion, it’s the only way to attract and sustain a healthy, lasting relationship. If you want to talk about this or any topic, please reach out to me.

I offer a free 30-minute coaching call to anyone interested in learning how to attract lasting love. Email me at or call me directly at 407-687-3387

[Credit: The basic framework for The Dating Manifesto was developed from The Conscious Leadership Group (]

Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach, a TV personality, and the author of two books, the latest of which is the #1 best-seller, Attracting Lasting Love: Breaking Free of the 7 Barriers that Keep You Single. For the past 10 years, Roy’s mission has been supporting single people in the art of attracting and creating conscious, lasting relationships. He offers a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to anyone interested in working with him. You can learn more about him by visiting,

Roy Biancalana

Roy Biancalana is an author, a certified relationship coach, a certified “Living Inquiry” facilitator and a spiritual teacher. He has been supporting the personal growth and life-transformation of thousands of people for nearly 25 years. His passion is working with men and women who are committed to awakening to their true spiritual nature and experiencing the love life they most desire. With a warm, personal and informal style, Roy specializes in supporting single people in attracting the love of their lives and also helping those who are in committed partnerships experience a deeper level of intimacy. READ MORE